Sometime back I was reading one of Oprah's Mag about change and it set me writing my thoughts out.
The line which made me agree from my heart n soul was this - One thing I've learned is that when you take responsibility for the choice you've made, when the person you've kept up at night is yourself, even the worst outcome won't make a victim out of you. You're only a victim when you're reducing your risk to a zero-sum game, when you're not respecting its subtleties and hidden corners, its remarkable ability to restore your faith just moments after it has ripped out your heart and tossed it into a cornfield.
While enjoying my so called new found freedom from marriage I had moved into my parents home along my kids. Was on high savouring all that attention. The me-victim-empathy-sympathy with loads of me- time to mop-up, the wicked me really enjoyed those days. Then the victim status faded jolting me into reality of single mommy.... 2 kids OMG while just 26..... the cosiness of having babysitters, weekend invites, stay overs all just shift+deleted !!!
The stage I had left while still a teenager feigning (read stimulate) inability to put up with mum's menopause jumped into the bandwagon called marriage an even daunting one and found myself put back on the same stage my parents place.
Ten years past my teenage years now that I understood the word gratitude , nevertheless the sense of my home did not attach itself to me. I was at cross roads of making the decision to make a home at my parents abode or move into my shack. Time flew as the damn thing relentlessly does 4years is what I took to finally move into my shack.. not that it was easy you know with the usual melodramas, you-know-you-are-woman thing... you-know-you have-2kids... you-know-what-all-was-done-for you things... Now here comes the article ref.
Moving over or rather making my home was not the end all it was as we always think that taking risk in life either succeeds or fails. As quoted by Meghan ' But sometimes the outcome of the risk takes the form not of a final verdict but of a pendulum that shifts daily, maybe even hourly.'
Life indeed is in full form what with severe lack of babysitters, messier than messy living room ( and rest of the house too ;)...), romping teenager son no matter what is only half fed, head banging about menu for dinner, ever screaming 7year old daughter the list goes on.
When all the lights are put out for the day.. I mean well past midnight there's a Mona Lisa smile playing up on my face I can swear I can see it... The sense of beautiful emotion, a feeling of the realisation so much learned from this risk taken rather if I had to continue living with my parents.
The encouraging words even in disguise of a chide or even as a joke by my well wishers makes me feel all squeamish on how good a mommy I have become, tending my own family and all to myself gives me such a high!!!
This Change .... indeed is a blessing
The line which made me agree from my heart n soul was this - One thing I've learned is that when you take responsibility for the choice you've made, when the person you've kept up at night is yourself, even the worst outcome won't make a victim out of you. You're only a victim when you're reducing your risk to a zero-sum game, when you're not respecting its subtleties and hidden corners, its remarkable ability to restore your faith just moments after it has ripped out your heart and tossed it into a cornfield.
While enjoying my so called new found freedom from marriage I had moved into my parents home along my kids. Was on high savouring all that attention. The me-victim-empathy-sympathy with loads of me- time to mop-up, the wicked me really enjoyed those days. Then the victim status faded jolting me into reality of single mommy.... 2 kids OMG while just 26..... the cosiness of having babysitters, weekend invites, stay overs all just shift+deleted !!!
The stage I had left while still a teenager feigning (read stimulate) inability to put up with mum's menopause jumped into the bandwagon called marriage an even daunting one and found myself put back on the same stage my parents place.
Ten years past my teenage years now that I understood the word gratitude , nevertheless the sense of my home did not attach itself to me. I was at cross roads of making the decision to make a home at my parents abode or move into my shack. Time flew as the damn thing relentlessly does 4years is what I took to finally move into my shack.. not that it was easy you know with the usual melodramas, you-know-you-are-woman thing... you-know-you have-2kids... you-know-what-all-was-done-for you things... Now here comes the article ref.
Moving over or rather making my home was not the end all it was as we always think that taking risk in life either succeeds or fails. As quoted by Meghan ' But sometimes the outcome of the risk takes the form not of a final verdict but of a pendulum that shifts daily, maybe even hourly.'
Life indeed is in full form what with severe lack of babysitters, messier than messy living room ( and rest of the house too ;)...), romping teenager son no matter what is only half fed, head banging about menu for dinner, ever screaming 7year old daughter the list goes on.
When all the lights are put out for the day.. I mean well past midnight there's a Mona Lisa smile playing up on my face I can swear I can see it... The sense of beautiful emotion, a feeling of the realisation so much learned from this risk taken rather if I had to continue living with my parents.
The encouraging words even in disguise of a chide or even as a joke by my well wishers makes me feel all squeamish on how good a mommy I have become, tending my own family and all to myself gives me such a high!!!
This Change .... indeed is a blessing
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